I had a terrible day at work yesterday.

Some of it was caused by people messing up the displays that I am in charge of, requiring me to change the displays back to the correct products and put the correct signs back, which was more difficult than it sounds due to the fact that the sign storage area was completely disorganized, making it nearly impossible to find the signs that I needed. Some of it was caused by the fact that there were free chips and guac in the break room, causing the break room to be constantly packed with loudly talking people, which made it impossible for me to sit down and flip through the sign folders, made my break chaotic and overstimulating rather than relaxing, and prevented me from even getting any chips and guac, because too many people were standing around them.

But some of it was caused by the following Instagram post, which I had the misfortune of coming across before work and which made me feel so hurt and angry that I couldn’t get it out of my head:

“Hi, Lara Beitz. If you are autistic, you are handicapped/disabled. LSN* autistics are disabled, even if they “low support gets.” If autism does not disable you, you are not autistic (by definition). But there are MSN and HSN autistics, and if they “low support gets,” they “psych ward gets” or “death gets” because they cannot survive with your level of support. Do better.”

(link here)

* Instead of referring to autistic people as high-functioning or low-functioning, it has become politically correct to categorize autistic people based on the amount of support that they need. LSN is an abbreviation for “low support needs;” MSN for “medium support needs,” and HSN for “high support needs.” 

Let’s go over all the problems with this post one by one:

First of all, the creator of this post, whom I’ll refer to by his initials of AA, is attacking the autistic comedian Lara Beitz. This is the quote from Beitz that provoked AA’s attack:

“You’re not supposed to say high functioning anymore though. I like the term high functioning because it makes it sound like I’m high functioning, like that’s really positive, so what you’re supposed to call it now is ‘low support needs’ which I’m like that sounds so much more handicapped than ‘high functioning.’ Also I’m not ‘low support needs,’ I’m ‘low support gets.’ I’ve needed help my entire f***ing life, I just haven’t received any.”

As you can see, Beitz did not say or do anything wrong to merit this attack. There’s nothing wrong with the above quote from Beitz; I actually agree with and relate to it. Therefore, AA is viciously and nastily attacking someone for no reason. This is intrinsically immoral and bad for obvious reasons.

“If autism does not disable you, you are not autistic (by definition).” Wrong. Autism is a type of neurology, a type of brain wiring. Autistic people tend to have harder lives than neurotypical ones, because we are the minority, and therefore society is set up in a way that generally does not work well for us. Some autistic people consider themselves to be disabled, and some don’t. Of the autistic people who consider themselves disabled, many do not consider their autism itself to be disabling, but rather the fact that society is set up in a way that does not accommodate our needs. (This is the school of thought that I personally subscribe to.) Regardless of which of these categories one falls into, being disabled is not part of the definition of autism. So this statement is false.

This statement is also breathtakingly hurtful. According to AA’s definition, I would not qualify as autistic. As someone who began researching autism at age 16, received a formal diagnosis from a neuropsychologist at age 26 (I am now 35), has participated for years in social groups and activities for autistic people, worked in a coffee shop dedicated to providing employment opportunities for people with disabilities, and got a job at a grocery store through a state agency that helps people with disabilities find jobs, I’m pretty sure that I’m autistic. But yeah, it totally makes sense that a random person on the internet would be a better judge than a neuropsychologist with a PhD, my boss, my co-workers, a state agency, and myself, of whether or not I’m autistic.

“But there are MSN and HSN autistics, and if they ‘low support gets,’ they ‘psych ward gets’ or ‘death gets’ because they cannot survive with your level of support.” AA is seemingly trying to be clever with this wording, but the only thing he succeeds at is being juvenile and idiotic. More significantly, the point that AA is trying to make with this statement fails to hold up to even the most cursory logical scrutiny. According to Beitz’s account, she needs some level of support, and isn’t getting any. This is something that I really relate to, because it’s what I’ve experienced my entire life as well. Whereas AA, on the other hand, needs a medium level of support and is getting exactly that. It doesn’t take advanced math abilities to see that a person who needs a small amount of support but is getting zero, is actually in a more difficult position than a person who both needs and is getting a medium amount of support.

Even more significantly, AA’s statement completely invalidates, denies, and dismisses the experiences of high-functioning, LSN, late-diagnosed, and/or high-masking autistic people. It is, therefore, an unjust and completely unprovoked attack not only on Lara Beitz, but also on myself. The experience of being an autistic person who is held to the same standards as a neurotypical person is very real. And it’s something that AA knows nothing about, because he’s never had that experience. He’s been thought of as autistic for his entire life, and treated accordingly. The standards that he’s been held to are attainable for him, and he’s gotten the supports that he needs. Being unable to reveal your real self to others, being trapped in situations and relationships that don’t work for you but that you can see no way out of, being crushed under the weight of other people’s expectations… these experiences have caused me decades of very real pain and suffering. But AA doesn’t care about this. He doesn’t care about my viewpoint or my perspective, because they’re not the same as his. I have so much to say about my experiences as an autistic person forced to navigate a neurotypical world with no accommodations and no recognition, that I could easily write an entire book on this topic. But with one short, thoughtless post, AA dismisses my reality. He dismisses my struggles, my joy, my pain, my defeats, my triumphs, my life story in its entirety. Rather than having empathy for those who are different from him, AA has chosen to invalidate and deny our perspectives, viewpoints, experiences, and feelings.

AA might be interested to know that I spent several years with a level of pain so severe that it would not be an exaggeration to say that I was suicidal. It’s something of a miracle, in fact, that I am alive to tell about it. Therefore, I have two responses to AA’s claim that people like him “cannot survive with your level of support.” The first is that, well, I nearly didn’t. How dare you imply that my existence is a cakewalk when I’ve experienced anguish so severe that I nearly lost my life? The second is that, well, you don’t need to. So why are you complaining? AA does not need, and has never needed, to survive with my level of support (i.e. none), because he is in fact receiving a much higher level. What is the point of complaining that you could not survive with my level of support, when you are lucky enough – privileged enough, to use a term that AA and his ilk frequently throw around – not to need to? AA is getting the support that he needs; he has nothing to complain about.

And honestly, for AA to “psych ward get” or “death get” (as he so eloquently puts it) wouldn’t be the worst possible outcomes. Perhaps the former outcome would enable him to get the help that he clearly needs for the issues that have caused him to demonstrate such an abject lack of empathy for other people. And the latter outcome would at least improve the lives of others by relieving us of the possibility of being subjected to his vicious, callous, and heartless attacks in the future.

When I showed AA’s post to my dad, he was puzzled and asked what the point of making such a post could possibly be. What goal was AA trying to accomplish? I thought about it for a second, and responded that people like AA probably wish to obtain more funding for services and supports. They probably feel that there isn’t enough assistance available for autistic people and resent the fact that any of this assistance at all goes to LSN people, believing instead that all of it should go to MSN and HSN people like themselves.

But then I thought about it some more and arrived at a deeper answer. More than just funding, what people like AA want is for everyone who is not like them to either grovel at their feet, or be obliterated from the earth. They want everyone who has different perspectives, viewpoints, life experiences, and feelings than they do, to shut up. They want others to give up their own perspectives, silence themselves, and dedicate themselves solely to amplifying their voices, giving them a platform, lifting them up. They want their perspectives, viewpoints, life experiences, and feelings to be the only ones voiced, the only ones expressed, the only ones acknowledged. In AA’s eyes, my perspective, my viewpoint, my experiences, and my feelings do not matter. In AA’s eyes, my pain, my suffering, my struggles, and the obstacles that I’ve had to overcome, are nothing. In the eyes of people like AA, the only perspectives, viewpoints, life experiences, and feelings that matter are their own.

And then I thought about it even more and came to an even deeper conclusion. What people like AA want is to hurt other people. Specifically, to hurt other autistic people as badly as possible by insulting us, shaming us, attacking us, dismissing our experiences, and denying the validity of our pain. If you think that sounds messed up, that’s because it is.

This post hurt me. AA’s actions have inflicted real harm and real pain on another human being, namely myself. (But of course, that doesn’t matter, because the only feelings that matter are those of AA and people like him.) This is not something to be proud of, it is not an instance of something that is “uncomfortable to hear” but “needs to be said,” and it is not acceptable. This post demonstrates a lack of logic and a lack of empathy. And there is nothing positive about that. Causing harm and pain to other people who have done nothing wrong is immoral. What is the point of having an online autistic community if its members dedicate themselves to actively and aggressively hurting other autistic people? The autistic community should be a place where autistic people can come for acceptance. support, and, well, community. Members of this community should embrace all of the varied ways that autism can present, and should try to learn from others’ experiences, rather than viciously attacking others whose experience of autism differs from their own.

In conclusion, this post is disgraceful, shameful, and despicable. Both this post and its creator are mean, nasty, vicious, and cruel. AA needs to look in the mirror and really reflect on why he chooses to be part of the online autistic community when his only goal in doing so is, seemingly, to inflict harm and pain on other autistic people. Other autistic people who – I’m going to come right out and say it, because it’s the truth – lead harder lives than he does.

AA, and not Lara, is the one who truly needs to “do better.”